Stop Theif!

It was 2:30 am the other night. I heard a noise on the front porch, like metal banging around. Assuming the chickens were still in their coop, the dog was in the carrier and the indoor cat was still indoors, I thought maybe the outside cat was chasing a mouse. But really, she's usually a much more stealthy hunter than that. So, I did what any self-respecting country woman does. I woke my husband.

He grunted once or twice, grabbed a t-shirt and moccasins and stumbled to the window. He looked out, then turned on the light. And grunted again. Deciding that most burglars, even the dumb ones, don't make that much noise, he opened the door and went onto the porch. He saw movement and looked into the yard.

Him: "It's a raccoon. It's got the cat's food bowl."

Me: "What?!"

Him: "Jinx's bowl. He's trying to steal it."

Me: "Hey! Bring that back, ya' stupid raccoon!"

By this time, hubby was out in the yard, with a flashlight, chasing the raccoon. It dropped the bowl and disappeared into the woods. Hubby retrieved the bowl and brought it back up, laughing. Mostly at me, I think.

"Great," I was thinking, "something else I have to remember to do every night, bring in the bowl from the porch." Then, another thought hit me. "Um, where's the water bowl?"

We looked around for a few minutes. It was nowhere to be seen. So now, I'm thinking, "Our son would love to have a coon-skin cap."

Stupid raccoon.